BCCI- Board Of Corruption And Conflict Of Interest

Thanks to the political slugfest,  off late BCCI has become synonymous to ‘Board of corruption and conflict of interest’ rather than the governing body for cricket in india. Since its inception in 1928 with the vision to promote cricket across length and breadth of India, BCCI has gone through plethora of changes. From  political slugfest, armchair wrestling for leadership, match fixing, to rave parties, BCCI has seen it all. Even Kim Jong Un has more control on his Korean People’s Army, than BCCI over its governing body (read N. Srinivasan).

The current armchair wrestling imbroglio started with the arrest of Sreesanth and couple of other Rajasthan Royals players last year. Apparently,  Sreesanth used a towel as modus operandi to fix matches and Srinivas used the same towel to keep his arse glued as the BCCI president. It eventually lead to Gurunath Meiyappan (team principal- CSK) betting adventures. Ironically, Gurunath is son in law of current BCCI chief N. Srinivasan. Since then BCCI has been the epicentre of all the controversies. In a nutshell, we can surmise that Srinivasan’s family’s a closely knitted one. Thanks to their endeavors, its time IPL is rechristened, Indian propaganda league.

Here are a series of changes that BCCI should adopt in its basic structure to resurrect and regain its lost image and credibility amongst Indian cricket fans:

1. For starters, BCCI should fall under the purview of government of India. I know its sounds juvenile and tad hard to gulp but rest assured, it has more pros than cons. To begin with, this would ensure BCCI would come under the ambit of RTI. There’s a large populace that feels it’d lead to corruption; but being a private organization isn’t it already fighting corruption and other malice? That’s the analogy between BCCI and UPA, both have gone through such shite that things can only improve from here.
2. Only former test cricketers to be a part of BCCI. Their fervor and penchant for the game along with their expertise and oodles of experience would ensure Cricket in India remains in safe hands and its future is safeguarded. This would also ensure further growth and development of the game across the nation. I am sure like Hockey we don’t want Cricket to become a sorry state of affairs.
3. Bring transparency in all processes viz. team selection, fund allocation et al. This would bring an instant check on corruption and get rid of other malice. This would cleanse the existing filth in the system created by Shukla, Modi and Jetly trio. They’ve left such a recalcitrant muck in the system that even ‘surf excel’ may fail to get rid of it.
4. BCCI members to be more approachable to media and open to discussion on various matters. Currently this is missing and this leads to a lot of speculation after team selection or whenever new policies or protocols roll out. Apparently, Taliban and ISI are better informed and seem to have a better coordination than BCCI and Indian media.
5. Strong work ethics and no breach of contract/conflict of interest is a prerequisite. Loopholes in BCCI ethics and policies have been overly exposed umpteen times. Be it regarding auction of players or contract of team franchise in IPL, policies and code of conduct have been brazenly ignored and bypassed. BCCI can’t work on its whims and fancies and have different standards for different people/franchise. Last time someone at BCCI adhered to code of conduct and ethics, dinosaurs still inhabited planet earth.
6. BCCI to improve its image of a ‘megalomaniac’ big brother to ICC and being the world bank for ICC. BCCI has flexed its muscles time and again to take an edge during conflicts with other ICC members. From withdrawal of Steve Bucknor from rest of the series during 2008 controversial Ind-Aus series, the suspension of Harbhajan Singh ban or the appointment of L. Sivaramakrishnan as player’s representative in ICC’s committee, people have seen it all.

Cricket is more than just a game in India. With ardent India fans, its more of a cult. BCCI has a long way to go to resuscitate fan’s faith in sanctity of the game. The sooner the better.

Its Time For A Biopic On Inzamam- Bhag Aloo Bhag!

After biopics on Muhammad Ali, Milkha Singh, Paan Singh Tomar et al, its time for a biopic for our very own Inzamam Ul Haq Aka ‘Aloo Haq’. Renown director Ramgopal Varma has confirmed in a press conference that he’s about to start the shooting of  his latest film ‘Bhaag Aloo Bhaag’ , a biopic on Inzamam. I am sure most of us will be flabbergasted, why such a name for his biopic? Lets dig into history to find out how and when Inzy got the distinction of being an aloo (potato). From his early days Inzamam’s has been on a heavier side with physique closely resembling a giant aloo. Inzamam has also been famous for his lightning fast running between the wickets too, hence the name ‘Aloo’ got tagged along with him.

It was all fun and game until the 1997 Sahara Cup match against India in Toronto, in which Inzamam assaulted a member of the crowd, Shiv Kumar Thind, a Canadian-based Indian, who had been comparing Inzamam to several kinds of potato. Inzy almost pulped shiv into potato chips. This incident gave Inzy a Hulk and an angry young man’s  image in cricket fraternity.

From running himself out to running his teammates out, Inzy has done it all. Hence he’s also called  as ‘the flying aloo’ by his fans. Its pretty baffling to say if he’s gotten himself out more times or his teammates. Inzy has always been a strong believer in the prophecy ‘when in doubt, get run out’. There was a time when cricket pundits believed that someday Inzy might get the batsmen at both the ends run out thanks to his uber running skills. And he did oblige them with this runout against India. Here’s a glimpse at his unique ‘flying between the wickets skills’-

Apart from his infamous running between the wickets he has also been known for his contribution of introducing unique ways to get out. A feat that even Sir Jadeja hasn’t been able to achieve.  Few of his unique ways have been-

1. In his endeavors to kiss the wickets, he toppled over and got out hit wicket.  
2. Getting out obstructing the field while jogging on the pitch and knocking the ball away. P.S- Do check out the whole video for his explanation and justification. 
3. He’s the only batsman to play a delivery blindfolded (literally). Unfortunately he got  bowled though. 

Thanks to his close resemblance to an aloo, coupled with his constant endeavors to get out in innovative ways, the title is apt. And it was just the right time that they came up with a biopic on Inzamam. His fans have been vociferously demanding for Inzy to be inducted into the ICC ‘wall of fame’ for his immense contribution to the game. We hope the movie would also make  it large, as large as Inzy himself.

FEW THINGS NOKIA LUMIA-520 TV ADVERTS HAVE TAUGHT US!

• Women are still couple of centuries away from interpreting cricket scores and other cliched things related to cricket (P.S- I don’t blame them for this, of course the lack of twist and turns that they see in regular saas-bahu soaps is the rationale behind it.) 😀
• India needs to invest a lot to come up with fast and efficient elevators. 10 floors in 2.5 minutes is ludicrous , even lackadaisical imp like Tyrion Lannister can climb that faster through staircase.
• It takes more time to convince a woman for a trivial task than to search any information on Nokia 520. (P.S- Its got nothing to do with women, its just that Nokia’s processor is ultra fast)  
• Never go to a movie or a restaurant  with your GF/BF on tv advert’s suggestion. There are chances you may screw up your steady relationship.
• Booking a railway ticket on IRCTC being a mammoth task still continues to elude humans. No wonder, they didn’t try to book a railway ticket in 2.5 minutes. Rest assured, that guy would  have come out after watching “Shaitan” and Nokia Lumia would’ve been still trying to open irctc.gov.in page.
• Nokia Lumia 520’s screen is still not big enough to accommodate Chaminda Vaas’s name on a single scroll- Warnakulasuriya Patabendige Ushantha Joseph Chaminda Vaas.
• It still doesn’t come with features like- ATM, mini bar, chauffeur driven car et al. Also, it can’t take your GF out for shopping and nod head on your mother in law’s incessant rants.
• Nokia handsets have become like Rajnikanth jokes. Gazillion in count,hardly differentiable and heavily inspired.
• For their Hyderabadi customer Nokia should have rechristened the phone as LELO MIA 520. Rest assured, it’d driven the sale in these neck of woods.